Origin Story

~ For the beginning of something is built out of the end of something else. When I think about my place in the world the way it is, is like choosing a kind of insanity to be "normal." Sanity is the one thing that'll drive you nuts in this climate and I have it, I have always had it and it has ever tormented me my entire life in one form or another ~

~ For me it was the wind. It's the earliest thing I can remember being in love with. It began in school, which you enter in the fall, the time of decline, the beginning of the end which continues into the winter and you are buried in a structured 'way of doing things' told what to do, who to be, how to act, how to live. But somewhere after the endless conditioning and the artificial world of lines and math and structure a crack would open, something would break off revealing something real, something raw. And like I said for me it was the wind. Just near the endless darkness and drudgery of the hardest time the air would let through just a flicker of something organic, something real, something filled with life. It was in wind. That smallest of hints of something better traveling a great distance and through all kinds of tough and stubborn climates just to hit that most softest sense you had all but forgotten until the moment it hit. And when it did, like electricity it invigorated your every last being, your every last sense and suddenly you were awake and alive. In spite of all the suffering. inspite of all the torment or darkness you may have suffered, it didn't matter because now you were awake and all the heaviness started to fall away as you felt your heart melt and warm your spirit. You were alive and it was new, it was a beginning of something you had no clue about yet. Something wonderful and amazing, it was a sweet whisper in the wind, a kiss from something exciting, of adventure. It was remembrance maybe or recognition of something truly special, something magnificent, something more powerful then the darkness, the hate, the hurt, the pain, the agony. Something of magic, like a story of something bigger then you could understand or even hold in head, something you could ONLY f e e l ~

~ That feeling carried with me through time and never lost its haunting presence in my life. I could not remember anything better then that feeling of something truly amazing just about to happen in my life. Something just around the corner, a feeling, nothing more, no explanation and nothing really worth mentioning to anybody else, because really what would I say? I couldn't describe 'why' it made me feel so incredible. It's just a smell, that smell of summer, I guess everybody gets it, who doesn't like summer, especially in a country with four seasons. But it was something else, it was something else. There was something 'in' the wind, something inside that feeling, like a whisper through time, a secret I could not even reveal to myself. Not yet anyways ~