~ Ok, this is going to be my attempt to tell the truth very honestly about some things I've completely hidden from everyone my entire life. So this should be pretty interesting to anyone who might come across this. Pretty fun. And since I've lied A LOT in my life on virtually every subject imaginable then I'll have a lot to write about ~
~ Ok, so lemme start with the very first lie I can remember telling... I was in Grade one at elementary school and there was this cute asian girl in my class that I had become obsessed with. I mean I was only in grade one but I just couldn't stop staring at her. Just looking at her was upsetting me and so I began upsetting her as much as possible as often as I could, whenever she was around me. It was like my mind out loud, I bugged and bugged and bugged her as much as I could and when I came home at night I would talk with my mom and I couldn't stand what I was doing and my mom knew something was up so I lied and told her that this girl was bugging me in class. And for an entire week I perpetrated the lie until finally my mom decided to take action and brought me into speak with my teacher about the situation. I was like some scared shitless criminal dancing around in the corner trying to avoid the inevitable moment this situation had escalated to when my mom, furious at the abuse and mistreatment her son, god's little helper was receiving from this little bitch in his class. "Oh, Really? because actually I received a complaint from this little girls mother the other day about your son." Her complaint was real, mine was not, and my mom confident in the altruistic nature of her son fell hard when I sheepishly revealed I was lying. What a hit to her pride and trust in me. But as the story goes I always run right to the edge of a cliff, look over and then come running back. I get into such serious trouble, such terrible problems in my life and have only barely managed to extricate myself from ~
~ Once when I was in beavers at the mall for my brothers Beaver car race I saw a little asian boy playing a game with the escalator beside us. He would hold on to the moving hand rail from the ground and let it pull him up a foot before letting go. Upon seeing this incredible game I decided to play as well and grinningly snuck over staying really quiet while he finished playing and was called away by his dad. I looked around to make sure all the adults were looking in the other direction at the races while I put both my hands on the bar and let it pull me up with the force only a full force machine could deliver. Before I knew it I was uncomfortably too high in the air to let go and screamed in terror for my dad to HELP! Three grown men caught me just in time before I got to high. It seems to be a reoccurring theme in my life, the danger just seems far too attractive to me. This played into the next time I remember lying to one of my close friends after telling me he had a yellow belt in Tae Kwon Do or something. Maybe I just didn't believe him for some reason and thought it was a game or something, because I almost immediately said I was at a Black Belt level and could prove it. See my parents just bought me a Karate Kid Pyjama set which to me was as good as the real deal. I kicked up a storm at home and really believed I was a master on some level. Completely confident my friend took me to his house where he left me downstairs looking for his fake yellow belt somewhere to show me, which for sure he wouldn't find and I would take him back to my house and put on the FULL uniform. "Found it." and he brought down the most amazing yellow belt I had ever seen. Until that time I'd never even seen what one actually looked like, once again I felt that familiar UH OH feeling as I realized I was up next and we walked over to my house so I could show him my black belt. I left him downstairs and quickly tried to figure something out while pretending to dig around my closet looking for it. "I can't find it, I think my mom washed it or something." and whew got off the hook. Needless to say it was pretty difficult keeping friends on account of being such a terrible liar and not being able to really ever be honest with myself or anyone else. I don't know why but I seem to have come into life with a really big attitude or belief in myself or something, some idea that I was really great and just lied about everything to everyone all the time to cover up not being what I felt I really was. Always upset and disappointed with the mediocrity of everything, everywhere and everyone. Operating as if it was a completely different world then the one we all live in and constantly surprised by how bad things actually are everywhere. Appalled really. Like I assume a heightened level of things that doesn't exist and it seems like I'm completely surprised to find out the way things are and how people are, its really appalling and I think I bounce between self-agrandizing and self-depricating myself. Honestly, even with all the help and support, even magical support and luck I've had everything still turned out to be an amazing nightmare on every level imaginable ~
~ I only learned to find the truth by lying so well, so deep for so long. Its kind of a slingshot effect into an understanding of things so incredible you cannot even believe they are true. But first lets go to another time, grade 5 just after my first major family trip to Florida. When I came back for some reason I thought a major family trip wasn't good enough so I invented a lie about meeting a cute blonde girl named Suzy. Looking back she was the archetypal good looking blonde girl that I would have seen on TV or come to believe was the hottie of my dreams. So of course she was the one I met on my trip and oh did I ever lie about this. My friends seemed to enjoy it and eventually the lie got so big and extensive I just couldn't bring myself to tell them I'd lied to them. I made up little details like I was clumsy and took flips all the time and I got into a fight over her even though during the actual trip I never left my parents side nor would I ever dare do such a thing. My friends wanted to know about it and I kept telling them until one day and I don't remember why I told them the truth. They were furious, turned there back on me for the rest of the year. They even formed this I hate you club with little red construction paper booklets, or wallets or something. I'm not sure exactly what they were for but man that was incredibly uncomfortable ~
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