The Pencil in Your Other Hand

~ Maybe you can relate to this because it used to happen to me a lot when I was younger.  I'd be working on my math homework or journal entries for school in my notebook and at some point i'd need an eraser or something with my right hand.  I'd put my pencil in my other hand and do whatever I needed to do, only when I'd finished I'd immediately look for the pencil in front of me which wasn't there.  Being lost as I had become in the groove of work I needed to find that pencil immediately and I would look under my desk, in the drawer, off the side, behind me, under me, I'd pull the desk forward angrily, shove my books aside.  I would become panicked, upset, angry, where the fuck was that little thing.  I did try to find it looking everywhere I could but eventually I gave up and ran down the kitchen to grab another one.  And when I opened the box I had to put the item I had been holding tightly in my other hand to do so.  Ah, there it is ~

~ I think life is exactly like the pencil in your other hand.  At one point you had it, used it and knew exactly what it was all about, how to get everything you wanted from it and it was so natural and pleasurable that you felt enormously confident to casually put it on hold while you explored something else.  While you did that you became lost in that something else and called THAT life.  And you began to struggle and fear and fall deeper and deeper into survival, into pain, anxiety, all the while holding on tighter and tighter to everything you forgot you already have.  And usually as the story goes one day when you've completely exhausted yourself beyond reason and recourse you fall dead and as you slip into forever the strength will leave your body and your grip will finally relax revealing everything you've always been looking for and struggling so hard to achieve.  It will roll out of your other hand right before your eyes as you fade into eternal resentment over your own fervent forgetfulness ~

~ Now, thats what generally happens in a persons life maybe the 'standard life.'  But if your reading this then you have the upper hand because believe it or not you've got everything your looking for right there in your other hand.  But like I said you've been holding onto whats important so tightly (like everyone else) that you've completely forgotten its there and like everyone else your now wandering in a murky haze trying to put things together, trying to WORK for what you already have.  Some people you'll notice have become very proficient at WORKING and they can truly i n s p i r e you with their craft.  But from another perspective they are even more lost then you are.  They have become fixers, who fix things, and continually need some kind of a fix in order to avoid what they fear most the knowledge that something is missing.  They are in held in a kind of awe by the multitude of the amnesiac.  But we are all wanderers  searching for what we already have forgotten. ~

~ All of us have gifts and inherent weapons of remembrance.  Usually this is something undeniably beautiful about you, some gift or tool or trait or talent that for whatever reason you just cannot forget.  It just keeps coming back up.  It keeps rolling out of your hand on to the floor upsetting the WORKING order of things.  But thats good because Work in a sense means things are Not Working.  If they were the word Work wouldn't even exist it would just be variations of the words fun, joy, play, good times.  Thats the way it does WORK.  You think about it most of us commit the majority of our time to 'making money' through Work.  We have enslaved ourselves inside our own forgetfulness and become terrified of things that remind us of where we actually come from.  And where do we come from?  Well I'm gonna take a guess that we come from where we end up.  W e   c o m e   f r o m   D r e a m s.  W e   a r e   D r e a m s , a living dream that became a nightmare because we have forgotten we are asleep ~