◊ • †He ØutS¡De® • ◊

~ I seem to be the master of screwing myself out of every opportunity I have come to me.  Like its an art form, a true miracle art form I've been proficient at my whole life.  I'll even get ridiculous luck and just turn it away, mess it up, blow it or any number of brilliant vehicles to keep myself exactly where I am, exactly where I've always been.  Like I like it there so much, I don't want it any other way at all.  And in retrospect that seems exactly right ~

~ I spent most of my life on the outside, just wandering aimless, lost.  I'd be in the woods because yes I did like it, but also because I didn't ever really have a core group of friends.  I just had pick up friends where ever I went.  People I'd get to know or spend time with.  People who would tolerate me, or feel bad for me and offer me friendship.  But lets face it I was a person like a fowl smelling decay who no one really wanted to spend time with.  Or if they did eventually they'd get wise and figure me out and make a James Bond exit out of there.  Its all right I can't say I'd blame em.  I'd probably do the same thing if I was in there position ~

~ But now I'm kinda glad all that happened because now I'm free, I'm not like all of them or any of you.  I am my own person.  People don't like me but when was that ever news?  I don't care.  And because I don't depend on your approval (because I never had it to begin with) I see the world through my own eyes.  And more so I see all of you the way you really are, not politely or nice because you weren't exactly nice to me were you?  I can make exceptions here and there on a case by case basis, but feel bad about who I've become? Why? for What? for Who? you?  I don't think so.  I'll even lie about doing that right to your face just so I can keep doing what I've always done, be on my own side.  You don't like it well that really is your problem isn't it ~

~ I owe no one.  I am obligated to no one or nothing.  I am my own man.  How many of you can honestly say that?  By your own free will all of you helped me become who I now am.  I truly could not have done it without you.  I guess they're right no body does it alone.  I have been training my whole life or better put my whole life has been my training for where I am now and none of it was in vain or by accident.  Only the revelatory information I needed to understand what I am going to do next ~

~ Every time I lose something in my life I see another piece of the bigger picture.  It seems that no matter what happens its a win win situation and that I will succeed through any number of methods or means eventually and the only hard work there actually is is in avoiding the inevitable consequence of this life the one I have chosen ~

~ There is always enough, remember that, because if there wasn't it would already be over wouldn't it ~